I've decided to share something with you, my incredible readers, that I've never shared with anyone before. It's not a dirty dark secret that needs to be aired out or a skeleton that needs to be set free...no, this is evidence of the Lord showing me what was to come long before I understood His plan.

You see, it was always in His plan for me to be redeemed. In worship track we talked about Genesis 1 and how the Spirit of God hovered over the waters before beginning His work of creation. What that means is that there was a time where God stopped, and with all wisdom and understanding, considered what would come from His creation. He knew that those He loved would be so consumed with hate towards Him that His son would be crucified, but He also knew there would be rich joy, beauty, and redemption. He knew it all; He knew the good, beautiful, ugly, gut-wrenching, awe-inspiring events that would come out of His creation.

Let's make that personal:

He knew all of the times I would chase Him, deny Him, adore and ignore Him.

And yet, He created me.

He also knew I would end up in ministry. Our relationship has recently become more intimate and He's starting to show me more of His heart.

Now it's time for the unveiling of the secret.

The other night, He reminded me of one session of chapel that I attended in college. The speaker described his call to leave his life of academic pursuit (it may have been medicine) to become a pastor. I remember thinking there was absolutely no chance that would happen to me.

I also remember a nagging feeling in my gut, almost as if the Lord was saying, "Pssssttt, this will be you one day."

Now I'm not a pastor, but my life these days is full of ministry, and I don't forsee any changes in the near future.  I'm in it. Joke's on me. I heard the whisper of the call to ministry and haven't been able to turn back. Even CGA is preparing me to be a better missionary, whether I end up supporting others through my job while they're on the field, choosing a mission field in a non-ministry-related job, or being a mom.

Here I am, Lord, send me.  For you know the plans you have for me. Teach me your ways so that I may know your thoughts.

He knew long before I did that I would end up here. I didn't have to, but He guided me and He's certainly not surprised.  That's more of the secret: that He was preparing my heart for ministry at the beginning of high school, during short-term trips, and He poked my spirit to let me know it was coming if I was willing to choose it.

OK, Lord, you have my attention. I am all ears.

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Also, last semester I mentioned doing a monthly newsletter. Confession and vulnerability time, I only managed to send out one. My hope is to make those more regular as I get the system figured out. For now, thanks for your grace and know I will keep updating my blog.