Most of my posts recently have been more on the creative writing side and less about what’s actually going on in daily life. So, I thought I’d do a bit of a combination.
We’ve been in Guatemala for a month and a half, which means we only have a month and a half left on this Race. The pull towards countdowns, yearning for the familiarity of the States, and just general tiredness that comes with the approach of the end of a season are all very real for myself and the squad right now. So far, my time in Guatemala has proven to be slightly less chaotic than in Malawi. My mom came to visit for a week during a Parent Vision Trip when we first arrived. It was wonderful to see her, do ministry, and just be with someone from home. Since then, I’ve been with 4 teams (2 of which are living together) with different types of ministry ranging from intense manual labor for the sake of leveling a plot of land for a home, to going to a school that was established by a missionary, to going to a special needs orphanage to help with feeding. One of my co-leaders left in April to return to the States because she got one of the worst strains of malaria towards the end of our time in Malawi. It was so sad to see her go, but also a comfort to know she would be getting good medical care (We miss you Amanda!). One of the teams and I traveled to the beach for a weekend and on another day I was able to ride a horse up a volcano and roast a marshmallow at the top. The countless one-on-one conversations with the Racers have reminded me just how much the Lord is moving in this squad. In case you were wondering, He loves them very, very much.
The adventures continue, the craziness never fully goes away, and the Lord remains persistent in His desire to move. It’s reminded me that the present is such a gift. One of the questions I’ve started to ask myself when I wake up is this:
Lord, what does this day hold?
He’s been reminding me that today is the only day I’m guaranteed. I should look to this day because there is good and beauty and life to be lived here. Abundant, rich life.
Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit” — yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. -James 4:13-14
It’s not as though I want to wish away this time. Not at all. I’ve more been succumbing to the tension of wanting so badly to be here on the field while also so badly wanting to be home with my family and friends. That’s not at all where I want to be. I want to live fully into each day while joyfully anticipating this next season. For those who don’t know, I am dating an incredible human named Ronny who has just recently returned from his own squad leading journey. We’ve been dating for nearly a year and the vast majority of that has been apart. We’ve had our ups and downs during this long distance business, but one of the many things I’ve learned from him is how to be present. It is a strength of his because he thrives with what is immediately in front of him.
As I’ve been working through the tension, the Lord reminded me of this lesson and said:
Do not forget the gift of the present. Anticipate what is to come, but not at the expense of what I have for you with this exact moment. Ask me what each day holds and I will answer.
Something that helps me with living well into each season is to have words to focus towards. I’m excited to say that the list of words I’ve been getting for Guatemala includes peace, contentment, harvest, celebration, and spunky. I’ll take it, particularly because I’ve specifically been praying for peace.
It really should not matter what the particular season holds. Each day we wake up should be viewed as a gift, and that’s what I’m choosing. When I wake up, I want to anticipate the joy of opening the present that is today. It is a gift, after all.
