I am writing this post having arrived in Atlanta poised to launch on this crazy adventure that I’ve been preparing, planning, and praying about for several months. Throughout this journey, I have literally been at a loss for words. Since Training Camp, I have finished working, been a part of the engagement of two of my closest friends, been the maid of honor in my dad’s wedding, moved out of Holland, Michigan, where I have lived for five years, and packed. Phew. I wouldn’t have traded being around for any of those events, but I am tired! There is a lot to process about this transitional month between Training Camp and Launch. There is so much, in fact, that I haven’t even begun to work through all that has happened, but here is a little bit about what I’ve been thinking.
Work
I worked in a company called Subassembly Plus for just over a year; however, I had not planned on being there for that long. Originally, I was only going to be there for a summer but there was a greater plan in the works. I learned a lot about life not simply by working there but also through the people. My coworkers became some of my biggest supporters on this journey and for that I am don’t have adequate words to express my gratitude. The people I worked with taught me a great deal and invited me into their family. For those of you reading this, you are all awesome and I will miss you! The Lord knew I needed to be with all of you for a while.
Good-Byes
In my life, I have gone on several mission trips, including one to Nazareth, Israel for three months. I also attended college across the state from where I grew up. None of those transitions even come close to the one from being around all of your friends and family to not seeing them in person for a year. I’ve mentioned before that I am not a crying or particularly emotional person. Some of my prayers have included asking the Lord to help me feel things in the moment rather than by myself later. Well, He answered that to be sure. I cried for pretty much every good-bye or was very near tears. Sounds strange that I’m joyful about that but I truly am.
How fortunate I am that saying good-bye is so hard because it means there are very special people to return to.
I’ve almost had anxiety about these good-byes. Each one has weighed VERY heavily on my spirit and it has taken me by surprise. I haven’t slept well the night before each of them knowing that a good-bye was coming the next day. It made me stop and think about why each one felt like it cost so much. That word, cost, was very appropriate. I really felt like it cost me part of myself to say good-bye to each of the amazing people that I did. Someone once said that it’s a bitter truth that everyone we love will never be in the same place in this lifetime. I have people that I care about in many different places. My college friends alone have spread to California, Colorado, New York, Alabama, Indiana, and a number of other places. I have people that I connected with while I was in Israel and on all of the other trips I’ve gone on. Ultimately, what that means is that with each person that I love stays a piece of my heart. Likewise, I will leave a piece of my heart in each of the countries I go to. Fortunately, I know my ability to love will be increased dramatically, and consequently, the size of my heart. Don’t worry, I won’t be returning a Grinch unless you’re referring to the scene where his heart grew three sizes.
The Vestibule
This month between Training Camp and Launch has certainly been a transition. In meeting with the pastor of church that I’ve been attending, the idea of small spaces or transitional spaces came up (thanks Pastor Lynn!). This concept applies to those special moments in life where we live in the in-between. For me, I (and every other World Racer) have been parked in-between good-byes and hellos, the known and unknown. It’s special because some of the most meaningful conversations and insights have crept up for me during this unique time. I’ve been able to say things and be present in situations that would have normally never happened. After Training Camp I felt like I opened the door to the vestibule feeling a high. I truly felt overjoyed by this World Race calling. Then things began to end. I walked more towards the center of the vestibule. The further inside I got the less I felt overjoyed and started to be almost mad about this calling. As the good-byes began it was like I was reaching for the door handle at the other end of the vestibule. I’ve learned the true value of family this year. It has been a theme. Why would I learn that lesson to have to say good-bye to each member of my family? I can answer that now. In order to fully live into what I have been called to this year it means there is going to be a cost. I am going to and have already given up parts of myself that I didn’t want to in order to leave space for the Lord to work. The vast majority of those surrendered parts right now are my in-person relationships with the people I care deeply for. A total abandonment that leads to dependency on Him. Oh how true that is! I am now standing with the second door opened ready to step into the unknown.
As I was sitting in the first training session in Atlanta I checked the verse of the day. It was Psalm 51:12 and it was spot on:
Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
We leave for Bolivia on July 3! The ministry my team and I will be pouring into is located in Uyuni with a local church. Much of it will likely be relational with kids and some of the women of that community. We are so excited!
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Also, just wanted to remind everyone that you can contact me through facebook, email ([email protected]), and Viber.
For those who may be interested, the t-shirt campaign is still open and in order for the shirts to print 2 more shirts need to be ordered (for a total of 20). https://www.booster.com/fundraiser-for-a-world-racer-2
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Thank you for your continued prayers and support. I will post an update as soon as I can once I’m actually in Bolivia at my ministry site. You may get a more thorough packing list at some point for fun too!
