I haven’t blogged too thoroughly about my experience leading up to the World Race but it’s worth mentioning because of God’s hand in it. While I may have said that I would have been in nursing school, that doesn’t really cover my experience with the decision. Until January 6, I literally had no other plans but to go through an accelerated nursing program and likely continue on to become a Nurse Practitioner. I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with that plan, it’s an incredibly good life option and could still be something that happens. Who knows at this point? I went through a lot of challenges and stress in making the decision to follow both what I felt God was leading me to and quite honestly, my heart. Travel is something that lights me up and makes me come alive in a way that other things in life haven’t measured up to. Yes, yes, I sound like every twenty-something who is unsure of what to do with their life who decides, hey, want to know my plan? I’m going to delay my decision by bopping around Europe or *insert any exciting tourist infested area here.* I’m not trying to justify my choice because to some, I’m sure it would appear like the last sentence is exactly what I’m doing. One piece of argument I would gently insert is that I have in no way been living like a tourist or like I’m on vacation apart from some very isolated events. Even missionaries need a break every now and then.
Here’s the deal, I know, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that the Lord called me to the World Race. I cannot describe to you how much a part of me that had been hibernating roared to life when I first laid eyes on the website. It was non-negotiable; I would be doing this, and told my housemates this fact as well. I didn’t know that the follow-up of that mental decision would be a 40+ day desert –wandering experience.
This quote perfectly sums up the time of January 6th when I first heard about the World Race officially, to my twice delayed interview on Valentine’s Day (exactly 40 days, I just re-counted to double check), to my final true acceptance to the World Race:
“Assured by the favor of His Father on His life, Jesus had one further test, one further training ground before He was released fully into His ministry – He had to endure a “dry season” in the wilderness. When we first receive the experiential revelation of Father’s love, it seems that His love is the only love and affirmation we receive for a season, while many of the support structures that have been comforting us and feeding our need for attention and identity are ripped out from under us. Dry seasons help us discover whether or not we truly believe that Father’s love is really all we need, so the Holy Spirit leads us into a wilderness season. Here the enemy will try his hardest to steal from us our spirit of sonship by enticing us with orphan thinking and counterfeit affections. This is exactly the tactic he took with Jesus” (Spiritual Slavery to Spiritual Sonship, 113).
First of all, read this book by Jack Frost. It is worth your time even if you consider yourself to be a mature Christian, trust me. Anyway, while I wouldn’t say that hearing of the World Race was my first revelation of God’s love (although I’ve learned what I thought His love was is nothing compared to the abundance that I know it to be now), it was a call that I felt in my soul. Yes, it would be scary and the trajectory of my life would likely be completely changing, but it seemed worth it. The decision was not without its costs. I had described the time of indecision between the Race and nursing school as a spiritual wilderness but reading this quote sealed the deal. I’m not sure I displayed an unbreakable understanding of God’s love and a desire for His affirmation alone, in fact, I know my display was sub-par, but I made it through with the Lord’s help because I trusted that it was His voice I had heard. January – March of 2014 will go down in the books of my life as a very difficult time for a host of reasons, most associated with my decision. Fortunately, I wouldn’t change it for anything. I needed to go through that time of brokenness and feeling like all my usual support and comfort was gone to fully appreciate how serious God was about this call for my life. We never think going through the wilderness is a fun time or something we hope to repeat, but I will look on that particular spiritual desert with some affection because it led me to the desert I’m currently living in. Seriously, I’ve been in varying forms of a physical desert for going on two months now. So while this water-loving girl may be feeling parched from living in the desert, this is nothing compared to the wilderness I went through to get here!
