Here’s the deal. I’ve recently had a revelation…OK, well it seems that I’ve had about 50 a day since being at CGA, most of them pertaining to my identity. Psych up.
I am learning about choices.
You see, I’m one of the lucky number who has been dealt the perfectionist card. We have a club. It’s awesome. We wear “A’s” on our shirts and not for the same reasons as Hester Prynne. Even my Enneagram result, Type 1, is called “The Need to Be Perfect.” Toss in a Wing 2, “The Need to be Needed” and it’s just a win all around.
What I’ve realized in life is that choices have produced some level of anxiety in me. I’ve viewed them as a test where I have the potential to mess up by choosing incorrectly. Rather than providing me with a sense of control and freedom, it’s left me feeling out of control until the choice is made. Even then I can doubt. Multiple choice exams were not my best friends.
Choices can really be leaps of faith in disguise. How often in life, when the Lord asks you to take a leap of faith, does He offer a guarantee that He is with you? And if He offers a guarantee, does it ever come before you leap?
For me, it does not count as a leap of faith if I have all the answers, therefore, the overwhelming sign of the Lord being with me comes after the fact.
And yet,
…we wait for signs…
…we agonize if we are following the Lord’s will…
…we expect that maybe, just maybe, this time, He will spell it out for us…
All the while, He has delivered time and time again. He wants us to learn to trust Him and consequently, learn to trust ourselves.
And yet,
…we keep questioning…
…we keep shaking in fear that others will think we are crazy…
…we wait for the guarantee that will not come…
We are so fickle, aren’t we? We will take one leap of faith, think that meets our quota for a lifetime and quickly revert back to our fear-driven ways.
Now, I am beginning to see choices as opportunities for a healthy level of control. There is freedom in having a choice. Every decision does not have to be a test. It is the chance to exercise a fruit of the spirit whether it be love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, or self-control. We have the choice to engage in a sin or not. We have the choice to be fully engaged in our own lives. We have the choice. Period.
As simple as this may seem, it is opening the door for a new level of freedom in my life. It’s made me see that I do not have to be fearful of choices, because choices are a gift.
Not only are choices a gift, but I find that we spend so much time waiting on the Lord to make a choice, when really, He wants us to act in faith. We can see an example of this is Exodus.
Moses’ life is inspiring to me because he seems so relatable. The Lord called to him through a burning bush and he could not look past his insecurity in speech.
The Lord spoke to him through a burning bush and he was worried about his ability to speak.
I would sit here and judge him, but then I think of instances in my own life that I go from courageous heights one minute and then worrying about what other’s think of me the next. These are heightened when I am in the decision-making process. We are so fickle when it comes to the depth of our faith. I wonder if that’s why the Lord made Moses walk in obedience through faith before he was given confirmation.
Once the Lord told Moses His plan, He offered a guarantee: do this and I will make it known that I was with you, for you will return to this very mountain to worship me.
He does not allow Moses to opt-out of the leap of faith through choice, but He gives the best guarantee possible: do this, and I will prove myself at the end. I will not make you look foolish should you obey my commands to bring my people to freedom.
And God said, “I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain.” Exodus 3:12
After all of this, what was my revelation again? That choices are a gift to learn to trust both the Lord and myself more. It doesn’t always have to be a test. We can be obedient and see the fruit of that obedience in a confirmation from the Lord after the fact.
I’m done living in fear of choices, of being passive, and not taking control by fully living into my own life. Choosy, choosy choices. Bring it on.
