The World Race is an 11 month journey to 11 countries with the mission to share the love of Jesus to the nations. For such a simple, succinct, catchy statement there is a lot of space to read between the lines. It would take several blog posts, if not a novel, to even touch the surface of what actually happens on the Race. All of my blogs and those of others reveal that to be true.
I’d like to chat about vulnerability. I feel like God has been opening my eyes to what that word actually means all over again. My original understanding was that vulnerability included letting others into your life story to pave the way for them to feel comfortable sharing their own struggles and feeling comfortable in their own skin. I maintain that the previous statement does sum up the challenge of vulnerability well but it does not go deep enough. Vulnerability is getting yourself to be raw, authentic, and true. At the beginning of the Race, being raw looked like sharing my struggles factually. I had become a master at describing my life objectively and without much emotion. Here are the chronological events and God’s redemption through it. There you go.
It should come as no surprise to me that Papa wanted to tweak my understanding. I am a logical, analytical, objective person who likes to approach situations, however difficult, with thought and calm. Showing my emotions to others was beyond anything I had any interest in considering. Be careful how you define yourself. As it turns out, showing my emotions as they come is my vulnerability.
“Mmm, so Papa, what you’re saying here is that it’s not enough to simply tell my story, I have to share my emotional struggles with others. Yeeeeeah, um, are you sure? Can’t I just tell people I had an emotional break down in the peace of my own presence? No? Are you sure? Really?”
You can see that our conversation went well and that I was completely not in control. As per usual, Papa pushes us to be better and more like his son. The Bible even tells the world that Jesus wept. Can you imagine being the person to pen that or to have been there? Even Christ shared his emotions.
So, how has my life changed with my new realization? I can give you two examples of relationships that have benefited tremendously. The first comes from my teammate, Whitney. We have been on a team together for the entire Race and it would not shock me if we remained together the entire time. Each of us have admitted that we withheld a part of ourselves from each other. It had to do with a lack of understanding of how the other approached the world and how different we both are. I’m pleased to say that not only are we great teammates, we are also friends. It’s taken me until this month to fully appreciate what vulnerability with Whitney looks like. She has not been the person I normally run to when I’m upset or need to process. Well, the other night I was having a quiet time that brought me to tears. My first instinct was to keep it to myself, cry until my eyes were dry, and move on.
Holy Spirit had other ideas. He gently yet undoubtedly told me to find Whitney. After deliberating, not because of Whitney herself but because of my pride in revealing my raw emotions, I obeyed. It turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve made. Not only did she have incredibly life giving and insightful things to say to fill my spirit, the simply acting of seeking her out specifically warmed her heart. I was truly vulnerable with her which left space for her to love me and feel loved in return that I both trusted her and wanted her to be there.
The other relationship that had been impacted is the one I have with my squad leader, Wesley. He and I have mutually respected each other from the beginning but have not been true buds until very recently. That has a lot to do with the fact that I haven’t ever really let him into the raw aspect of my personal journey, simply the facts. Well, at our most debrief, I was having another emotional time (what is happening to me? Ha) and I suddenly felt a strong desire to chat with Wesley. I attribute it to the Holy Spirit. We did not get the chance to chat in person but I later sent an email explaining everything. The result was that we both felt closer because I trusted him in a way I haven’t before.
Vulnerability is hard. I’m a person that keeps my cards close to my chest regarding my emotions and what I’m feeling. What I’ve learned is that by expressing what is going on with me at the right time with the right person makes me more approachable and strengthens my relationships. My logic can sometimes make me appear to be less approachable (my family will be chuckling at that) and sharing what I’m feeling helps with that. Shoot, what a lesson.
Just when you think you’ve learned all you can about a subject something else is revealed that takes you even deeper…
…true World Race style.
