Hello, my name is Casey and I’m an approval, achiever, and accomplishment addict. To-do lists are one of my favorite things. Here’s my story.
Hello, Casey.
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Well, I’ve realized that many of the lessons we learn in life typically resurface later because there is more to learn. I think it’s all part of the learning process in that we scratch the surface at first and then dive deeper as we gain more knowledge. One of my seemingly perpetual lessons is the idea that I get my worth from the things I get accomplished, how well I achieve, and whether I have the approval of those in authority positions. One would think that I would get the picture after a handful of times but that simply does not seem to be the case. Bummer.
There is a scene in the movie Pink Panther that sums up my feelings on the subject perfectly. Inspector Clouseau is alone in his apartment having returned from being stripped of his title due to a misunderstanding going through airport security (he was framed). He is searching the web and comes across several articles covering the subject. His response? “Oh, zat makes me feel good,” dripping with heavy sarcasm.
That being said, my response to learning that I’m a recovering addict?
“Oh, zat makes me feel good.”
I told my teammates my life story in Swaziland during our first month together and after listening, one of them, Meg, voiced a common theme throughout my life: achievement and the need to feel approval. Good. I’ve known this about myself, distantly, but came face-to-face with this issue after hearing her perspective. Since then, God and I have been having many a discussion about getting my worth from places other than Him. It’s as if I am in AA…Approval/Achiever/Accomplishment Anonymous.
Our team is doing Unsung Heroes this month, which I’ve explained in previous blogs. Part of the month involves everyone on the team choosing a role. We have all sorts of “titles” from Accountability Supervisor, Administrator, Unsung Coordinator, and so on. I felt strongly that God wanted my role to leave me no opportunity to measure accomplishment. From Him, I got words like supporter, follower, and the like, which all go against my normal tendency – towards leadership. As an added bonus, I also dubbed myself the Silent Health Advocate meaning that I would come up with ways to be active and invite my teammates along. Leading by example, essentially. You can imagine how well that particular part of my role began in the midst of feeling dreadfully sick at the beginning of the month. Ha.
It’s been a challenge for me to stick to this “non-leadership,” support role. I’ve had to return to God over and over to have Him remind me that He truly does not care what I get done in a day. He loves me for me. One of my favorite reminders was the following sentence from Him:
You, Casey Baxter, are worth more, simply by existing as part of my creation, than anything you could possibly accomplish.
Well shoot.
As you can imagine, that sentiment was mind-blowing. As is often the case with God, He did not just leave His reminder and encouragement at that. He overwhelmed me with an analogy. For those of you with pets, this will resonate pretty strongly.
Dogs and cats that are able to go outdoors often bring home trophies in the form of dead mice and small rodents to their owners. It’s as if they are saying, “Look Mom, look Dad, look what I got and brought you!” They want affirmation. What usually follows is that the owner briefly glances as the “treasure,” possibly with disgust at having a carcass on their front porch, and then proceeds to shower the animal with love. What’s important to recognize is that the love is not given out because the pet brought a gift, but rather the pet is showered with love because the owner loves the pet just as it is. This is how God sees us. We bring our accomplishments and acquisitions to His feet and He may glance at them briefly, but His gaze quickly shifts back to us because He loves us, no matter what we get accomplished.
I love that.
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Hi, my name is Casey, and I’m a recovering approval, achiever, and accomplishment addict. I’m learning to set aside my to-do lists. Here is my redemptive story, starting now.
